[perception perversion] this painting is by Renee Magritte, title: Not to Be Reproduced (1937)

Redundant. As old as the label itself. The most well known word of all time. From my years of being a punk-wannabe there is one chant that i had always hear. BE YOURSELF. “be urrself” they said. It make me wonder myself. Of the nature and meaning behind the word. A question that i had asked myself for years now. Confusion. What dictate my identity and personalities. Who the fuck am i..



How the fuck can I be my own self when I can’t even tell who am i. To put thing into practice you must know what is the meaning and how to used it. How do one masturbate with a vibrator when one don’t even know where the ON button is. You goddamn fuck!



Hey, wake up my friend! Look at the fucking mirror and just be yourself. Be yourself! Be yourself! -Pusher-

be yourself = jadi diri sendiri

No hate or anything. I love Pusher. Pusher is love. Pusher is life. This is just one of many instances of many instances where the word of ‘being yourself’ is being used. Yurp, punks love this word. Somehow they think that this word defined them. but fuckk it man. i have an issue with this slogan.

‘jadi diri sendiri’. one of the most cringeworthy word that i’d heard as a punk and yet the word is still famously being spew around to us till this very day. I got to admit that the word ‘be yourself’ has a nice ring to it. A beautiful way to describe the self-righteous nature of being a punk. Heck, I myself was a victim to this particular slogan during my early years of pubescence teen life. Like for real dude. To be yourself is like one of the most beautiful word in the world of punk shenanigans. It sound noble and really do represent what punk is. The culture that embraces (or so it proclaim; with all those punk elitist I doubt it) idiosyncrasy and tolerances between one another. But I got to be honest though. After listening to this kind of word for like a thousand times I found that it does no longer to be that inspiring to me. The worse part is, after several evaluation i found some flaw behind the word. A flaw that annoyed me and made me cringe everytime someone said this to me.


TO follow your own will without having to rely on the dogma that society had been spewing. Yurp, It sound nihilistic indeed. Lemme give you an example.

Syafiq was horny that night so he rape his neighbor. He do it because it is what he want. His desire and the way he want to feel pleasure. Hearing womyn plea for mercy excites him. Syafiq is being himself.

Man find underage grrl to be very attractive. He is  what society describe as pedophile but he deep inside he know that he is being what he want to be. It is his innate sexual nature. Ain’t nothing wrong bout it. Sure, his action might affect that young child mental health in the future. It will surely affect the development of those childs that he had drag to be but that is the thing about life. It is what god made him to be. To be aroused by young meat. Man is being himself.

Ustaz Kassim is a very strict kind of person. He forced his dogmatic religious notion to everyone that he see does not fit his view. He is a very fundamentalist kind of dude. It was not like he want to be a dick. He did it for the sake of pleasing god. Nobody forced him. He spread his religion and rule by his own will and so does everyone else. Ustaz Kassim want everyone to follow religious rule. Ustaz Kassim is being himself.

Aiman had been working as a policeman for three years now. He became a policeman because it is the only job that he see fit who he is. He choose the job on his own will. He is also not what you describe as an honest cop. He do take bribe from time to time but it is not like his boss telling him to do it nor peer pressure. He do it because that is what he want to do. He is being who he wanna be. Aiman is being himself.

Najib is a politician,  a very corrupt politician and he did it because he have the opportunity to it. It is wrong but no fukk was given. Najib is being himself.

Amirul is a punk rocker, he choose to be a crust punk because it is the coolest label and he want to be cool. He wannabe Punk and Punk thus shall he be. He want to feel belong. To have friend. To fill that empty void that he have. Amirul is being himself.

BE YOURSELF is a very flexible word. It is a dangerous expression and required a big responsibillites. Dungetmewrong, I have no problem with nihilism and hedonism. I believe in INDIVIDUALISM. The right to do shit the way you want to do it. Hell, let me push this further by confessing that I don’t care if you wanna be a faggot nor pedo because who am i to judge you. Yurp, call me an asshole if you want. As you can see, being who you are is different to everyone. Everyone have their own opinion towards life. It is what individualism really is. BACK TO THE POINT, what i am trying to say here is  please-please understand the nature of the slogan. Mindless acceptance of irregularities is not the goal of muh zine. The idea behind Trypophobia slogan is to understand and then accept it.

DO NOT FEAR IRREGULARITIES. see the shit happening around you. try to understand it from different perspectives. get close to it. shake its hand. give a kiss. let them be free and live with it. Do not fear shit that you do not know. You’re an animal. A primitve being that has lots more to learn.




Jadi diri sendiri? Fuck I can’t even fukkin tell who am i. How can I implement something when I did not know what that shit really is. I’d dedicate myself into years of self evaluation, digging into this kind of aspect till the point it push me into a crippling existentialist dilemma. Till the point that I don’t know fukkin shit anymore and no longer have any moral in me. Like seriously, It may sound pretentious but i used to enter the state of nihilism and misanthropy just to understand the meaning of ‘I’. Now you came up to me and try to ‘motivate’ me with such ludicrous-ity of “just be yourself”. It is an insult to me. FAAKKKIU VERY MUCH. A big EF.

Now, the reason why i choose to quote Pusher in the first place. “look into the mirror”? LOOK INTO THE FUKKIN MIRROR? The thing is mirror is a very deceitful place for self –evaluation. A mirror is no more than your own reflection of your ego and self-image. The self-image is an ever-changing process guide by your past. Sure your own past is the greatest thing that you need to cherish but it ain’t gonna show you who you’re. it is the people around you that hold the key to your own self. If your mom telling you that you’re a ‘lazy fukk’ then chances is you’re a lazy fukk. There must be reason why they perceived you as such. Bla bla bla bla.  A  better advice, do not look into the mirror, bought yourself a camera instead. A camera do not lies (well unless you act but that is a different topic for another day). Write your fukkin own diary. Read the shit that you had write when you’re an edgy teen. Such medium help to strip away that romanticism that you have in the past. URGGHHHH. This shit is fun to write. I’m wasting my precious book deal idea on you right now so i’m gonna cut this short for my future desperate broke self.


Now let me give you a very important advice. A solution to counter this shit slogan. A slogan that will really help you in the long run. DO NOT BE YOURSELF, TRY TO BE LIKE OTHERS, PUSH YOURSELF INSTEAD. The thing is you would not learn anything just by being yourself. Try to put yourself in the foot of others. Try to learn something new. Stop being an ignorant son-of-a-bitch. Try to conform with society. Find out why such morals existed around you. Try to understand. Try to explore. Try to push yourself. Be experimental. Try to adapt societal norms into your own personal ethic code.  Get up from the couch and improve yourself. Now that is a far more better slogan for you to preach.

Yes, jadilah diri sendiri kalau kau betul-betul nak jadi tapi jangan sebut slogan bodoh tu depan aku. I do not need someone to remind me how to breath. Fak! What an insult.

[this article was first published in trypophobia vol 3]




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